Fashion Don’ts: Don’t Wear That!

This week’s post is devoted to the fashion trends I find 1) most entertaining, and 2) most hideous. As a quasi-expert with no real qualifications, I realize I have absolutely no authority to tell you what to wear and what not to wear. But I am going to tell you what to wear and what not to wear. Namely, don’t wear any of these ugly heels. Ever. Here are three heeled shoe trends that are both confusing and nauseating.

The Heelless Heel

These “heels” don’t have heels at all, but rather 6-9 inch platforms that stem from the bottom of the balls of your feet. Japanese artist and shoemaker Noritaka Tatehana first birthed the heelless heel. Aside from Lady Gaga, no one is quite sure why.  Not only do they take two months to deliver, they also cost between 7 and 12,000 dollars.  Oh, and look completely ridiculous.

The Tennis Shoe Heel

If you need tennis shoes, wear tennis shoes. If you need heels, wear heels. There is but one situation where these shoes are acceptable: a middle school pep rally. But you’d have to be the cheerleader (and thus forced to wear them as costume), or the mascot (and thus forced to wear them as some sort of punishment). The gist, you should never wear these shoes unless you are forced to (and even that is a poor excuse).

The Comfort Shoe Heel

First of all, Crocs are ugly to begin with. I get that Crocs are comfortable. But they’re just hideous. I mean, wear them around your house. Wear them to work if no one can see you. Wear them to the pool if you’re seven. So the fact that Crocs has made heels is just baffling. Are they trying to cater to 60-year-old women? If so, success! If not, fail.

Follow Nicole Kreisberg on Twitter at @NicoKrei