My Mother Criticizes Me For Being Divorced

Dear Martha,

Lately I’ve had a hard time. After my divorce, I had to live and cope with difficult changes, many problems. But what is more painful to my processing all of this is, I have to face my mother. She says she does not agree with the fact that I am divorced, and that I have caused her great pain and shame.

I’m really hurt and sad. I love her and miss her, but I can not relate to her, I do not know what to do

— Divorced and Devastated

Dear Divorced and Devastated,

What you need to understand is that she was born and educated in a different era, with very conservative values ​​and beliefs. You can learn to respect her thoughts and feelings. There are many people who have been angry with their mothers for years — Those are years lost, and life is too short.

She punishes you for getting a divorce? All right. Tell her you appreciate her opinion. You can not change your mother, but you can change the way you both relate to each other. Love her and accept her for how she is. The hardest part is over, and you have to invest your energies in healing. She will reproach you, but not buy into it.

Mothers can love everything. And the love of a daughter can be all-forgiving.