Do I Have A Problem Child?

Question: Hi Martha, I have three children, and one of the girls is always restless and can never sit for very long. How can I cure her of this? When I try to help her study literature or read, she says she can’t do it, she doesn’t know how. She’s a good girl, even though I think she tries to get more attention, since she’s the middle child of three. She’s 6, I look forward to your advice.

Answer: Why do you need her to sit still? Does her school tell you she’s a problem? Are you jut comparing her to your two other children?

Sometimes mothers want all of their children to meet their expectations. If she’s not a problem in school, don’t worry, give her a lot of love and celebrate her vitality. Please do not label her as a problem child.

You’re not responsible for teaching her classes, you’re her mother, you’re responsible for giving her unconditional love.

Be careful and give yourself time to give her a little bit of individualized attention. Take her to buy ice cream, or read her a story, draw with her, etc. Take her by her little hand, caress her cheek, see if she acts with more calm, but make sure you do these things between just the two of you.

If you’re still unsure, ask the school to test her, but then you run the risk that she feels like she’s not meeting your expectations. And, if that’s the case, you’re going to condition her to be the problem child, when all she wanted was to receive unconditional love, be accepted for who she is, even if it’s different than her siblings.

The love of a mother can move mountains.

Martha Sáenz is a life coach hyponotherapist who lives in Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter at @marthalifecoach.