I Believe In Love, Just Not Weddings

I’ve always wondered if little girls really fantasize about their wedding day. I’ve never known a woman who actually did this. When I was a little girl, I mostly fantasized about the Muppet Babies and the pizza on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In fact, I still do. I didn’t really think about marriage or weddings in high school either because I was too busy listening to Tori Amos and crying in my room.

I don’t hate weddings. I’m actually looking forward to a few nuptials in the next few months. I also have a boyfriend that I hope to marry one day if he can get past my hostility against household organization and lids in general. I’m not that much of a curmudgeon. I believe in love! I’m just grossed out by our culture’s obsession with weddings.

Even in this terrible economy, people still spend massive amounts of money on weddings. According The Knot, in 2010 the average wedding cost $26,984. Maybe that’s not a lot of money for some people, but I would be able to pay off most of my student loans with that sum. I just can’t understand why anyone would ruin their finances for one single day. And if the show Bridezillas has taught us anything, it’s that brides will sometimes abuse their friends and families while pursuing their princess fantasies.

Instead of investing so much time and money into such frivolousness, I wonder why these awful women (and sometimes men) don’t invest in becoming better human beings instead. Bridalplasty, I believe, is the worst of this genre; it honestly made me physically ill. All these shows perpetuate the notion that women stupidly pine for this day their entire lives. They make people believe that they need lavish weddings and extreme plastic surgery to be valid human beings. But really, these shows only exist to sell you more stuff.

Here are some ways I will do to make my wedding easier:

  • In lieu of a gown, I think I may just wear a barrel. It will save money and it will show off some curves.
  • For music I will have a group of elementary school kids playing the recorder.
  • For dinner I will hand out cans of Vienna sausages. You will have to bring your own can opener.
  • To avoid any drama or hurt feelings, my maid of honor will be a pigeon.

I loved the movie Bridesmaids because it highlighted how absurd the wedding business really is.  I wish for more movies like this. Not all women dream about getting married. I certainly never did. Some women dream about bettering themselves and growing as human beings. Some dream about careers and raising polite and compassionate children. Some dream of producing a Broadway musical based on the hit show Perfect Strangers. Some might just dream of one day getting kicked out of an all-you-can-eat buffet. What the hell do I know? I just wish TV and film would stop focusing on this tired princess fantasy.

[Photo By cherie6c, sans laser eyes]

Subscribe today!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Must Read