NewsTaco

By Christina Rodriguez

One of the things I’ve learned from my relationship with my African-American boyfriend is that there are people who:

1. are truly accepting of others’ choices
2. think it’s wrong, or
3. aren’t openly against it but say hurtful things as jokes. (Unfortunately that is what bothers me the most and it happens almost every day.)

According to a recent Gallup poll of 1,319 adults in the U.S. found that approval for interracial marriage has reached a high point, with 86% saying it had no issue with it. That’s great and all, but what about the 14% who disapprove? Did they get stuck in the fifties? Their behavior could range from quietly disapproving to outright rude and oppressive. But if 86% of the population approves of my relationship, then I guess I should be jumping for joy.

Like I said, the most upsetting kind of comments are the ones that friends slip in during conversations. A co-worker I’d just met once told me I must have “jungle fever” once he found out who I was dating. Some people seem to think something like, “Well, you guys are great, but sometimes it just isn’t right, or doesn’t work.” And of course, everyone knows, “Once you go black, you don’t go back.”

For a Latina already dealing with underhanded racial and sexist comments, dating a black man apparently invites more of the same. But in a survey I have to wonder how many of these jokers would have been placed in that 14%.

The idea of a person’s worth is at stake in every relationship, whether it be by the couple’s parents, grandparents, coworkers or strangers. And interracial relationships are the most highly visible and easily judged. A friend of mine is a Japanese-American whose white grandfather was not initially happy with his son’s marriage to his Japanese wife. But he came to love this woman and the family they created. Otherwise, his judgment is not withheld. Apparently at one point in her childhood, this grandfather saw a white woman and a black man and yelled that it just wasn’t right.

The experience left my friend wondering at her grandfather’s hypocrisy.

If there is a silver lining about the poll, it is that when the question was first asked by Gallup in 1958, only 4% of those asked approved of interracial relationships. This is due in large part to the fact that the laws against interracial marriage and cohabitation weren’t deemed unconstitutional until 1967, almost a decade later.

I would think that the disapproving people in the fifties have either changed their minds in the past 50 years or died out along with the old laws and beliefs before the Civil Rights Movement. Progress has been made in many cases of oppression, but sadly this changes depending on who the oppressor is looking at.

Christina Rodriguez is an aspiring writer and editor living in Houston, Texas. She vents and ponders in her blog, It’s not a show and can be found on Twitter @csaenzrodriguez.

[Photo By Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com]

Seeing as how about 15% of all marriages in the United States are between people of different races or ethnicities, and given recent Census results suggesting this trend will likely continue, now seems like a good time for an online publication talking about the issues with which multicultural families contend. Chantilly Patiño, also known as the blogger Bicultural Mom, has answered the call.

On May 30 Patiño and a group of other bloggers will launch an online magazine, Multicultural Familia. Patiño said the site will, “address multicultural and multiracial lifestyle with special emphasis on topics such as racial and cultural identity, ethnic heritage, language acquisition, interracial relationships and multiracial parenting; with an overall focus on cultural awareness and racial unity.”

Patiño talked to News Taco this week and told us that, for her, Multicultural Familia is very personal. “I met my husband, who is Mexican-American, and we just got into talking about so many different things — about language, about race, about racism, and his culture and it was very interesting for me.”

Patiño later began to look at racial issues when she pursued higher education, but these issues became much more real when her daughter was born.

“My family is all white, there has never been any racial intermarriage before in my family. I have always had a difficult time explaining to them any understanding, so that’s part of why I started Multicultural Familia,” she told News Taco. “We are going to be talking about race and ethnicity like Afro-Latino heritage and mixed families, interracial relationships, how to raise multicultural children with confidence, and give them an understanding about race.”

Check out Multicultural Familia, also on Facebook and Twitter.

Follow Sara Inés Calderón on Twitter @SaraChicaD

[Photo By DIAC Images]

• Don’t let it get you down. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to deal with the attacks that come from prejudice.  Always make time to remember the good and try not to dwell too much on the negative.  Those who launch the attacks would prefer to keep you down and feeling hopeless, don’t give them the chance.  Try to keep the positive on your mind and acknowledge those who are open to your differences.

• Forgive, but don’t forget. Protect yourselves from future attacks by putting distance between yourselves and the aggressors.  This isn’t something that you need to feel guilty for.  You don’t deserve the abuse and to show you care about yourself, your relationship and your children, you must set boundaries with family and friends to let them know that you won’t stand for their emotionally abusive behavior.  This step is critical in keeping the negative from overtaking your lives.  So don’t forget to put your family first and protect your future sanity!

• Don’t disrespect each other. In spite of all the negative those outside your relationship try to make you believe about each other, never stop respecting each others’ culture, language, religion, etc. …and NEVER use racial slurs or put downs…even in a heated argument.  You see how hurt you and your spouse/partner have been hurt by others, why be like them?  I know that it’s hard to block out the hurtful things that you’ve heard, but you can’t continue in love with all that negative thinking going on up there…so get rid of it!  If you are to overcome all the challenges of an interracial relationship, you have to be united as a couple and as a family.  Don’t let the stress and negativity build barriers between you.

• Learn to appreciate the differences. Taking an interest in each other’s cultural heritage shows your commitment to each other and helps you both to realize that you are fully accepted by your spouse/partner.  This is so crucial for interracial couples, because when everyone else in the world is ganging up on you, you’ll know that you have the full support of your spouse on your side.  It’s also an important part of allowing both partners in the relationship to retain their cultural identity.  There has to be a balance of both cultures in your home in order to respect each other’s cultural identities and heritage.

• Know the facts. When you find others attacking you, know how to handle each attack and present the evidence to show them why they’re wrong.  If you want to improve the relationship between you and those attacking you, education is the only way.  By combating ignorance with education, you allow the individual to see the other side of the story.  Learn where the stereotypes come from, the history behind the culture and be prepared with responses that demonstrate the truth.  Learn to think, speak and act with power and knowledge, instead of anger.

• Educate your children. Don’t ever be afraid to teach your children about their dual heritage.  There’s nothing wrong with having a second language or dual identity.  In fact, if you do teach your children about their heritage, they will have the means to defend themselves when others question their cultural identity.  Not to mention the insight that a child of dual identity possesses.  Biracial children are far more likely to be understanding of individuals’ differences and have an expanded world view of other cultures.

Chantilly Patiño writes the blog Bicultural Mom, follow her on Facebook and Twitter @biculturalmom.

If you’re reading this article, you probably have a family member, friend or co-worker that’s in an interracial relationship. You’ve seen them struggling with negative criticism and you want to do your best to respect them and show them how much you care. Bravo! You’ve already taken the first step by reading this article.  Below is a list of tips that can help you to continue as a positive influence in their life.

Give encouragement.

• Remember, couples in interracial relationships deal with a lot of negative responses from the community. Anytime that you can say something positive about their relationship or give an encouraging word, it’s bound to be appreciated. Just reaching out to make a kind comment or participate in something you know they love is a good start to being a strong and emotionally supportive ally to this couple. Whether it be your attempt to speak a few words in a new language or having a latte at the mall, all these little actions add up to them knowing that you care. Sometimes, it may seem like they should already know…but when their spirits are dashed and doubts are high, a little reassurance can go a long way.

Get involved.

• One thing that’s unavoidable is having some understanding (at least the basics) of the culture, language, religion, stereotypes, etc. in question. This doesn’t mean learning a whole language or attending every cultural event in town. But when opportunities to get involved present themselves, use them to learn something new. You can get to know a lot about a new culture by participating in some common events. Attend a special religious service (i.e. baptism, wedding, holiday), shop at ethnic stores, attend cultural diversity events, eat new foods and ask questions about how their made, etc. The more you explore, the more comfortable you will become.

Be considerate.

• Because of the attacks they undergo, couples in interracial relationships can be a bit sensitive. Think before you speak and be considerate with your words. Before referring to someone by a generalized term, like “Hispanic” or “Arab”, ask them how they’d like to be addressed. Try not to make broad assumptions or say things that could be offensive. Your thoughtfulness will put couples at ease and cultivate more open conversations.

Speak up.

• When you hear racist jokes, slurs or other negative comments, take a stand against that behavior. A disproving face or polite comment can go a long way in discouraging questionable or derogatory statements. In times where tensions are high and your thoughts might not be well received, walking away with a simple…”excuse me” can help. When needed, use actions like a bathroom break or making a drink to exit yourself from the conversation and avoid those aggressive or uncomfortable confrontations. Over time, people will get the point that you’re not interested in participating in any dialog that degrades the couple or other races and ethnicities.

Chantilly Patiño writes the blog Bicultural Mom, follow her on Facebook and Twitter @biculturalmom.

[Photo By www.charlietphoto.com]